2025 has just welcomed its first film adaptation of a major video game, but this one seems to be straight out of another decade. Don't be fooled by the successes of recent years: Hollywood studios are still capable of massacring cult franchises. Borderlands has already shattered the positive momentum established by Mario, The Last of Us, and Sonic. But now Minecraft the Movie arrives like a raging Creeper with the sole aim of making us have a bad time and blowing us up. The interminable production of this feature film was certainly enough of a clue to predict disaster, but like many, we wanted to believe in a miracle. With Jack Black and Jason Momoa in the equation, this adaptation had the potential to become a perfect comedy, worthy of the internet memes that have accompanied the game since its launch. Especially since Minecraft the Movie can only rely on its humor; it's certainly not its nightmarish visuals that have the potential to please. Unfortunately, nothing can ultimately redeem the tornado of bad taste that the film offers. Minecraft may have a cubic art direction, but that doesn't stop it from scoring a zero point: all round and without any angles. If you were planning to see the film this weekend, here are all the reasons why you'd be better off staying home and playing the game it's inspired by. When Creativity Turns into Mediocrity Minecraft is defined by imagination and creation. But its adaptation is nothing more than an empty and sterile work. How sad to go to the cinema to discover the massacre of a game that nevertheless marked the history of the industry. This mush offered by Warner Bros does not transcribe for a single second what the Minecraft experience is supposed to offer. Forget the feelings of exploration, adventure or community: the feature film is nothing more than a string of irrelevant jokes (or even timeless), which gives the impression of living in an interminable moment for all the wrong reasons.
If the studio's bigwigs thought they could rely on the legendary status of the franchise to pass off a patchwork and uninteresting script: they failed. Minecraft the Movie went through many drafts during its eleven years of production (yes, eleven). Inevitably, by changing directors and scripts every five years, the adaptation ends up in a terrible state. Rather than offering a quest to defeat the Ender Dragon, as in one of the abandoned scenarios, this version decides to create a new antagonist... but completely useless
With Malgosha, Minecraft the Movie attempts to offer a more concrete identity to the forces of the Nether dimension, in vain. Because really: does Minecraft really need a big bad guy? The base game offers an "end" goal with the boss fight in the Ender, but the strength of the gameplay lies in the infinite possibilities offered to players. So why make Minecraft the Movie a clichéd adventure where a group of misfits find themselves in charge of saving the world, rather than offering a poetic ode to creativity? Probably because the executives in charge of the project didn't seek to understand the basic work, and simply picked up on all the clichés of family action movies. The result is a mishmash of nothing, where the protagonists barely move forward in their respective useless stories. An AI could have produced this thing with a simple request like: “write me a Minecraft movie with youth humor and action”.
A discomfort reinforced by the French version
Our thoughts go out to the poor voice actors who had to do their best to embody this disastrous translation. Let's set the scene: Minecraft the Movie spends 90% of its time having Steve (Jack Black) present objects and elements of the game aloud. The remaining 10% is made up of internet humor borrowed from American trends of the 2010s, already unsuitable for an international audience at that time, and therefore even less relevant today. Now, imagine translators forced to deal with absurd dialogue and incomprehensible humor. The French teams certainly did everything in their power to limit the damage, but the result is nonetheless terrifying.
Not a single joke works, so much so that the confusion can sometimes be heard in the actors' voices. The film's flaws thus become even more glaring. By lending his voice to Jack Black in this film, Christophe Lemoine strings together phrases out of nowhere, with large amounts of literal translations such as “silex et acier” for “flint and steel,” which is supposed to refer to the lighter in the game. Yes, even the objects are not translated as in the game. While English speakers can console themselves with Jennifer Coolidge’s performance – presented as the only good idea in the film – this element is completely lost in our French version. The actress is known for her voice, sometimes compared to that of the villagers in Minecraft, hence the interactions depicted on screen, but the French version does not even try to reproduce this effect. Too bad.
Save yourself this screening and opt for a controller
Were you planning to see the movie this weekend? Stop right now and take this advice. Taking your family or friends to the cinema will certainly cost you more than buying Minecraft to play with those same people. Why inflict 1 hour 40 minutes of constant discomfort on yourself, when the title that inspired this cinematic disaster is a real gem with hundreds of hours of fun to be had? Ultimately, the mediocrity of Minecraft the Movie is to be thanked. It reminds us that some franchises are made to be enjoyed with controllers in hand, and not with a Hollywood approach ready to do anything to monetize the popularity of video games.
0 Comments